This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
