you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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