i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
