the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
