I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
