I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
