Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize