She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
