I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Randomize
