I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
