Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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