Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I pour the whiskey from now on
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
