Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
