discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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