So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
