Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
