dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
