New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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