just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
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It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
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My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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