He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
