just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
