i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize