no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
