come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We just shotgunned beers for America
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
