I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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