no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
