Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
