my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
