get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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