Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
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If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
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I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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