does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
