I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
