Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
