I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
