i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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