if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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