Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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