my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize