3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
