I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
