he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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