i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize