1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
