im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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