I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
