Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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