My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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