no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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