We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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