I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
