Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
