walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
