i think i have two assholes
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
