I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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