Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
tell me about the fingering
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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