We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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