I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
