I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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