Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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