i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
