i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
